We all have things in our lives that we know we need to stop doing, but what are the simple changes that we can make that will have the biggest impact?
The original thinking for this blog came from a Ben Bergeron podcast a number of years ago. Ben is not only a great CrossFit coach, he is a truly inspiring thinker and life coach. His written and spoken words are thoroughly recommended. Without apology, what I offer to you is my implementation of his original thinking.
Get up early- don’t hit the snooze button
It is important to set out as we mean to go on. If we get in the habit from moment one to give into our weaker temptations, we have set our day up on unstable foundations. The extra few minutes in bed will not make a difference to your sleep recovery, but will inevitably make you late in your day. Other aspects of your normally calm morning routine will either have to be rushed or cut out completely.
Don’t get mad in traffic- control what you can control
If someone cuts you up in traffic, there is nothing that you can do about that- the moment has already gone. If a tractor slows your journey to work, no matter what you feel about that, the tractor will still be on the road. We can only control the things that we can control- in the gap between the stimulus and the response.
If someone annoys you in traffic, reframe that thought and think about reasons why they may have done that. They may be rushing to a critically ill relative, they may be a doctor or firefighter rushing to work, they may not have seen you because they were distracted, the list goes on…
Don’t be late- control what you can control
Probably linked to the above, but leave plenty of time to get to appointments. Build in ample travel time into your calendar when you schedule the appointment. Explain to others (or yourself), that to be late to an appointment would show disrespect to the other person. Often, it is too easy to blame others for our own lack of punctuality. Take accountability for our punctuality and make it a focus in all aspects of our lives- others will recognise and appreciate us for this simple standard. If we model this behaviour consistently and effectively, others are more likely to adopt this approach themselves- which is another win for society as a whole!
Don’t gossip, or tolerate gossip
Gossip is like a fire, if we give it oxygen and space it will spread uncontrollably. If we gossip to other people, we are asking them to give our gossip oxygen- which is an unfair demand on them. If we stop to listen to others gossip, we are providing their views with the oxygen and space to spread- which is also wrong.
My parents instilled in me the value- if you cannot say anything nice, don’t say it.
By indulging in gossip, you are not in control of the things that you can control. It is a conscious thought to say these things. What positive purpose would you possibly hope to achieve through verbalising these viewpoints?
Don’t watch the news
It may seem like an ostrich approach of burying our heads in the sand, but analyse any news broadcast and it will be pretty much be made up of negative news. Bad news sells, and always has. However, we do have a conscious choice to decide if we want to consume that negativity. This is not to say that we shouldn’t care about all the humanitarian disasters that are occurring at any point in time, but we do have a very real capacity issue with how much negativity we can handle. If we accept our limited capacity issue, then we need to pick our causes to worry about carefully, and think about the ways we can really have a positive impact on them.
Our lives are like a sausage machine. The quality of the sausage that we get out of the machine is 100% related to the quality of ingredients that we put into the machine. Nothing else effects the quality of the sausage. If we fill our lives with negativity, doom and gloom, we cannot expect to process that into a joyous and happy end product. Inevitably, our lives will be tainted by the negativity that we consume.
I am not advocating ignoring all the negativity that news agencies bring to our doors, but we must become more discerning in our consumption of that news to maintain the quality of our lives. If we constantly immerse ourselves in a negative environment, we can only expect negative impacts on our mindset.
Our modern news streams have taken on many of the social media design features that set out to hook our attention and keep us returning to a particular site. Live updates, likes and peer comments are all tools of the modern news to grab and keep our attention, often not with our best interests at heart.
Don’t criticise.
We can only see things from our perspective. Our perspective could be wrong- who are we to criticise?
If we choose to criticise, in effect we are only causing anxiety for ourselves by worrying about the actions of others that are actually none of our business. There will always be a reason for a person's actions, and for them it will be perfectly rational- even though for us it seems completely irrational.
Don’t eat and scroll- be present with your loved ones and yourself.
There are very few times that we get time to just stop and take stock. Since the launch of smart phones, we have lost the ability to be still. 25 years ago, when we were waiting in line in a shop, we simply waited- alone with our thoughts…and possibly being just a little bit bored. We have now got out of that habit, because there is always a portal to infinite information and updates in our pockets. When was the last time that you allowed yourself to be alone with your thoughts (and even just a little bit bored)?
If we truly value undistracted time with ourselves, or place any sort of value on our relationships with the people that we love, surely we should want to be fully present in those moments in time. Research has shown that the mere presence of a mobile phone on a table, face down, limits our ability to be fully present in the moment. What does it say to the people that we love if we are prepared to be distracted by our phones?
The ritual of coming together with the people that we love to share food is as old as time itself. Humans are social animals and nature wants us to make meaningful connections with other humans. The time to be together, talk and share stories is one of the reasons why we have evolved so successfully to be here today- we need to value that and remember the benefits that it brings to us all.
Don’t let email control your life.
If we allow email to impact our lives, without control, it will inevitably distract us from the things that are really important to us. Once we are clear what is truly important to us, we need to prioritise the actions that are going to move us closer to those things, and do those things first every single day. Email is simply asking us to dance to someone else’s tune, distracting us from our true mission to the cost of our own development.
Now of course, email is a wonderful system of almost instant communication that enables us to make contact with the wider world. It does have a place, but we must control the space that it takes up in our lives. If we build the habit of allowing email into our world under our terms and conditions, it will serve us well, as opposed to us serving it. Not checking our mail before a set time is just one way that we can assert such control.
Don’t leave dishes in the sink.
The dishes are not going to go away or magically clean themselves. We need to stop the procrastination and deal with the things that need dealing with right now…such as the dishes. Clearing the kitchen at the end of the day brings the day to a natural close. As humans, our brain likes the beginning and end of things, it’s not so keen on the middle bits. If we go to bed with a clear and tidy kitchen, it is also a gift to wake up to the following morning. Not only are we bringing clear closure to the day, we are ensuring the best possible start to the following day!
I love the words Jordan Peterson chooses in reference to making our beds and tidying our rooms. Jordan is seen by many as a controversial character, but the need to keep a tidy room is great metaphor for life. How can we truly campaign for the big things in life- climate change, social equality, political reasoning…when we cannot even keep our room clean and tidy? He argues that we need to keep our own house in order before we start to try and save the world. We have so much to learn about ourselves before we consider becoming self proclaimed experts in the more complex issues in life. This starts in the simplest form of tidying our room and extends out to our true awareness of ourselves- warts and all.
Cluttered space, cluttered mind.
Our outer environment often reflects our inner feelings. If our living space is cluttered, then it is likely that our mental space is also likely to be similarly chaotic. By clutter we need to look beyond just the physical things. Of course, our house can be cluttered, our garage can be in chaos, but also our actual lives can be cluttered. We can be inundated with information, overwhelmed with social media, have chaotic relationships, have no clarity in our schedule, all of which are examples of life’s clutter. To clear up the clutter is to simplify our lives and thus calm our minds. We can only focus on a limited number of things at once, so we need to clear away the clutter around the edges.
We are talking of Compensatory control- a feeling of control we gain by ordering/tidying the world around us that provides us with a sense of order and support for the less controllable aspects of our lives. When we are under pressure or periods of stress, we can significantly relieve these feelings by tidying/organising our environment.
In essence, we are looking at the value of minimalism- or less is more. Ensuring that we live a more simplistic life with less distractions, less decisions and ultimately less stress. The fewer decisions we have to make enables us to devote maximum focus and brain space to the decisions that really count. Should we be devoting valuable headspace to what T shirt to wear today out of the 20 T shirts we posses, or simply picking one of the two T shirts that we posses to wear?
Don’t wait for perfect- just go and do it.
There will never be a perfect time to start a project. There will always be something else to consider or to think about. If we allow ourselves the time to consider and account for every potential outcome we could face, we will never get started. This is one of the most sophisticated forms of procrastination, where we are actually deluding ourselves that we are absolutely not procrastinating!
At some point, actions will always trump strategy, as actions will result in a physical outcome. Endless strategic planning will not.
If you know what you want, why are you waiting?
Simon Sarris
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