I am pretty sure that if we are all really honest, we all have that Sunday night, Monday morning angst somewhere in our minds. It might be hidden away in the depths of our sub-consciousness, or it might be front and centre, wreaking havoc with our body and mind.
‘I don’t feel good. I don’t like going to work. Thinking about work often makes me anxious. There’s a twenty-four-seven swirl of doubts at the back of my mind, with questions like “Did I do enough prep? Am I good enough? When are they going to see through me? "
Björn Natthiko Lindeblad. I May Be Wrong
When under pressure at work, I found for me that the most anxious times of the week were Sunday nights. This was magnified further on the Sunday nights at the end of a good holiday. If I wasn't careful, I found myself worrying away the end of the holiday, or the end of the weekend. The anxiety could start at any point. It is too easy to become preoccupied with this anxiety and forget the things that are really important- family, the ones you love and good old rest. How many times have you found yourself thinking about things that need to be done next week during what should be amazing family experiences or events?
The good news is that this is a perfectly natural human reaction that we are psychologically predisposed to react in this way. We can all now rest easy in the knowledge that it is our brain physiology that makes us think in this way...not the fact that we are losing the plot or suffering from some type of mental breakdown on a weekly basis! However, just as this is a hardwired response in our brains, there are a number of things that we can do to mitigate the negative effects of this natural response. The first being an awareness of how our brains work...
The brain science
In his book The Chimp Paradox, Dr Steve Peters gives a wonderful explanation of this situation and offers a number of practical solutions to living with this limitation of how our brains work.
The brain is made up of many different parts. As humans, we have an incredible potential for decision making, something that modern artificial intelligence is still struggling to match. Our brains have to make 1000's of decisions every second in order to keep us living life to the full. One of the underlying principles of this decision making is the innate survival instinct, developed over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, to simply keep us alive. A process that is designed to keep us safe on a day to day basis struggles to meet the demands of the modern day world, and it is this primal instinct that can often cause that Sunday night anxiety.
A tiny part of the inner brain, about the size of a golf ball is solely responsible for this primal survival instinct- something Peters refers to as the "chimp" part of the brain. The remainder of our brain matter, about the size of a large cauliflower, is responsible for the "human" part of our thinking. The issue is, in times of stress, the chimp part of the brain takes over the thought process.
In many ways this is common sense. As a primitive being, if you heard the sound of a sabre tooth tiger as you trudged through the forrest, your immediate response for survival would be to run away and climb up the nearest tree to safety. The un-natural (and very unsafe) response would be to wait around and look to build a trusting and meaningful relationship with the sabre toothed tiger, perhaps looking to explore why it was so angry and aggressive towards you.
Many thousands of years later, when under any form of threat, the chimp part of our brain takes over to keep us safe. Despite the unlimited potential of our human brain, we are hard wired into this primal, survival response.
The chimp and Sunday nights
If we are feeling pressured about the amount of work that is awaiting us on Monday morning, or the potential for conflict, or the angry boss/co-worker/customer/etc, then the chimp within our brain will take over to keep us safe. This could be in a number of different ways that can simply be categorised as FFFF responses- see which you have experienced:
Fight- You hate your job. Why do I even want to do this stupid job? You fall out with your partner about anything. You are grumpy for no rational reason. You fall out with your kids about the dishwasher (standard).
Flight- You run away- either physically or mentally. You procrastinate- doing anything to avoid work related tasks- Netflix boxset anyone? You run away through the comfort of alcohol. It's best not to think about work until Monday- it's my weekend!
Freeze- You literally cannot do anything. If I don't do anything, I cannot make a mistake. You don't know where to start. It's easier to stay in bed. I'll just move some things in my Inbox without actually actioning anything.
Flock- You look for company in your anxiety. Everyone feels this way...don't they? It's just adult life... Best check social media to see what other people think- #Sundaynightblues. Work is not meant to be enjoyable, everyone says that.
How can we deal with the Chimp response on a Sunday night?
Accept that you have a chimp and learn to understand it
Simply reading this brief blog and becoming aware of your chimp like responses is a start in its self. Understanding that these feelings are a natural reaction that everyone feels became an immediate comfort to me. When the feelings start to hit at any time, having this knowledge allows you to quickly recenter and rationalise the feelings of anxiety.
Exercise the chimp in a safe place
Allow the chimp a safe place to vent. I would not recommend that it is always a good idea to verbalise this venting, or to share it with anyone else...but to give the chimp mind space to come up with all of it's crazy thoughts is better than bottling them up over time. Let the chimp go wild with it's crazy what if thoughts. Defuse them by not offering a reaction, comfortable in the reassurance that you are simply exercising the chimp. With no reaction to feed off, the chimp will soon tire and settle down.
Attitude of gratitude- distract the chimp
How often when we are in a dark place do we focus on the positives? 1000's of things happen to us each day, and we selectively attend to only a small proportion of them. We have a physical choice to focus on the positive or negative aspects of life. If we can feed the chimp with positive thoughts, it becomes much calmer and much less prone to extreme FFFF responses. We have the ability to do this already. When I bought our VWT6 camper van, I suddenly became aware of how many other camper vans were out on the roads. The numbers had never changed, they had always been there, I had just chosen not to pay attention to that information prior to owning one. This is just like moments of positivity- they are out there in abundance, we just need to pay attention to them. A simple way to build this attitude of gratitude into a habit is to write down, or share in conversation 3 things each day that you are grateful for. It may have been the amazing sunrise, the roof over your head, the kind word someone offered you...anything.
Don't give the chimp anything to panic about- no surprises
Make sure that you are organised for the week ahead. Don't allow the chimp to remind you of anything you may have forgotten. Everyone needs an effective way of capturing all the actions that we have to attend to. I am a great believer in the GTD (Get Things Done) philosophy of David Allen- much more of this to come in later blogs. The basic principle is that the brain is for having ideas and not holding ideas. To achieve a calm, mind like water status, we need to be reassured that we won't forget anything that is important. In essence we need an efficient way of collecting all that information so we don't need to pay attention to it. I use a systematic blend of calendar, Trello and a physical notebook to put my mind at ease.
In addition, devoting time at the end of your working week to plan ahead for the week ahead is so effective in ensuring an anxiety free start to the new week. Even if you know that it is going to be a crazy busy week ahead, at least you know! In addition, you will also have an accurate list of x, y and z that needs to be done.
Do something...anything to calm the chimp
Don't allow the chimp to freeze you into blind submission and angst. Do something! Anything! Having a set routine of no brainer tasks offers comfort- so ironing your work clothes in front of a film could be a very simple, proactive action for the week ahead. Doing your meal prep for the start of the week on a Sunday afternoon will mean a more efficient start to each day.
Think about your own responses
Having the knowledge of the impact that the chimp can have on our thinking and our actions is a powerful reflection tool in our every day interactions. We have already said that awareness of the chimp should provide some comfort when dealing with our own feelings. However, we must also consider the effect that the chimp has on our actions.
When in times of pressure or stress, we need to be mindful that our actions potentially will be derailed by the chimp's influence. Are we guilty of a potential FFFF response? If we are aware of this potential, we can counteract it with a more human response. Taking 10 breaths to think before reacting is a powerful strategy. Keeping an email reply in draft before hitting send can save a lot of upset in the long run.
Rationalise others responses
Similar to above, when dealing with other people in times of pressure or stress (either you or them), it is really important to try to read what aspect of their brain is currently operating. When dealing with conflict, I always allow people to exercise their chimp where appropriate, giving them the forum to let off steam and vent. Avoid interruptions as it will only anger their chimp's response- remember they are not yet in a position to think rationally. Once their chimp tires, they will come to a more human position where you can explore ways forward in a rational way. There are very few situations where this does not work- children, co-workers, parents and partners all benefit from this approach.
I sincerely hope that you can find somethings in these random ramblings and insights that can work for you to control and enjoy your time away from work. It is really important that for me that I work to live, not live to work. Hopefully some of the information above will put this into perspective.
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